Holy Mother of Five Hour Energy!
by Epic Hero Laugh
Summary: Where does America get his energy? 5-hour energy is the secret to his success. So of course, he has to get the other nations to try it out, as well as the new and experimental 12-hour energy. With the help of Tony's invisible cameras, what did America get in terms of blackmail? Brace yourself, the bottles are drained. HELP! Crack...
1. Prologue

**I chose the setting as Chicago because I used to live there, and while I don't anymore, I know it well. Plus there was a big important meeting there recently enough, right? **

**Enjoy!**

**Prussia reviews the stories he reads, why don't you?**

_Thoughts_

….ooooOOOOoooo….

When England woke up, he had a sudden sense of foreboding. _America is planning something. _But right now, he didn't have time to worry about that. He was sore all over, and his clothes _Why was he in exercise clothes? _were stuck to him with dried sweat.

He got out of bed, fully intent on taking a shower before doing anything such as thinking or cooking. As per habit, he took down a sheet off of his calendar. _That's strange_. He could've sworn it was the third. England was meticulous about his little rip calendar, even bringing it to America's stupid country with him.

_Oh bloody hell there's an easier solution to this!_ England picked up his phone and saw that it was indeed the fourth, just as his calendar had informed him. _Why was he so off today? Start from the back old chap, _he reminded himself. _What did you do yesterday?_

All his memories from yesterday after breakfast were a complete blank. _America._

As if in answer to his fuming thoughts, the phone suddenly vibrated, and a picture of the country himself appeared on the screen.

"What?" England asked aggressively before the younger nation could say a thing.

"Oh nothing dude. Just get to the meeting a half-hour early. See you soon." And America hung up after a scarily short (at least by the bouncy hamburger-lover's standards) conversation.

As England dressed and took a shower, he pondered America's voice. There had been something… off.. about it.

After a cup of tea and some NOT BURNT GODDAMMIT scones, England tucked his briefcase under his arm and headed out into the brisk Chicago air.

There was an odd smell of chocolate on this particular block. Looking around more carefully, England determined the source as the ice cream parlor next to the Hershey store, and kept walking. There was a distinct difference from New York. New York was the big deal, what America was known for. But this third-smallest city of Chicago was bustling and moving at this early hour. _New York might be the city that never sleeps, but Chicago is the one that wakes up fully energized by it. _He smiled wryly.

Then a train rumbled overhead and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

_I thought that was just a bridge._

He passed skyscraper upon skyscraper until he got to his destination, with his feet dragging and his mind pondering. _America had sounded… tired. _He passed a few men in suits, biking down the marked path on the side of the road with briefcases strapped to the back of their bicycles. _Very tired. How strange, America didn't get tired._

Entering the building, England sat down in his seat heavily, rubbing his temples. The walk had woken him up a little, but he was still exhausted.

"Morning Iggy," America nodded to him, picking his head up from it's position on the table from his own spot.

"What's wrong with you?" England asked in horror.

For while America was dressed fairly normally, his bomber jacket was hanging off of the back of his chair instead of his shoulders. His hair was sticking up on one side, as if he had fallen asleep leaning against a wall. America had a very tired expression on his face. He looked like a completely ordinary person with his bomber jacket off. He didn't even have any burgers with him, just a large cup of black coffee.

"Tired," America's head thunked back down onto the table. England flinched at the loud sound. _That sounded painful. Well, his head _is_ probably thick enough to take it._

The two English-speaking countries sat in silence, unusual for both of them. While England didn't have an intense need to constantly chin-wag like America, he didn't like being silent for too long. He usually didn't go this long without having to yell at an idiot.

_Am I addicted?_

Slowly, a few other nations trickled in, walking every bit as sluggishly as England had.

When all the G8 nations had arrived, everyone looked towards America, but he just sat there.

"China's coming too," He replied to their curious glances.

A minute later, said nation had arrived, yawning wide enough to fit his whole Hello Kitty plush in his mouth.

"Alright," America half-stood up, but then just sat again. "Yesterday, England, Canada, France, Germany, Italy, and Japan agreed to test this."

He set a small bottle on the counter. It read twelve hour energy.

"Half of you got the original five hour, while the other half got the twelve hour." America explained. "And no, I don't know who got which."

"I didn't agree to anything!" England yelled.

"Actually you did." Russia said.

"I don't remember agreeing to anything," Canada said, making most of the nations jump. America gave him an amused look, as if remembering something funny, but he didn't respond.

Canada gave him a suspicious look. "What was the point of the experiment?"

America shrugged. "Tony," He said simply, as if that explained it all. In fact it kind of did. "He wanted to see the results. He sent out a bunch of invisible cameras out to tape the effects it had on all of you."

"What did it show, aru?" China asked, alarmed.

America shrugged. "I don't know. He would't show it to me. Shall we?" He pointed to a large screen on the other side of the room.

_How the bloody hell did I miss that?_

"Who should we start with?" America asked, a large grin creeping over his face.

The nations exchanged scared looks. Dear god what had happened yesterday?

England's stomach sank. _Bloody buggering hell._

**Yes indeed… Sorry, this is a terrible beginning chapter, but put it this way- you get to have a say in who goes insane with energy first. The countries available for choosing (As I'm not very good at anyone else, though you can suggest someone and I'll try to stick them in) are as follows**

_**Canada**_

_**France**_

_**Germany**_

_**Italy**_

_**England**_

_**China**_

_**Japan**_

**Or you can see America going without…**

**If no one chooses, I'll have to choose myself, and that'll be boring all around.**


	2. Canada

**I will shamefully admit that a couple of the things Canada does in this, I did after drinking five hour energy. If you can be the first to guess one of them, I'll put the character of your choice next, after the official order of Canada, France, and America without. Yes, I'm resorting to bribes guys. **

**What is shown on the video screen.**

Real life.

_England's thoughts._

Singing. Yes, singing is involved.

….ooooOOOOoooo….

"I know just who to play first," America smirked evilly before starting the film footage of the first nation.

**Canada was sitting perfectly normally, and then he picked up the little drink in front of him, looking at it suspiciously before downing it like a shot of vodka. **

**There was no noticeable difference, and then he shuddered once violently. His eyes popped open very wide and he stood up quickly, looking both ways very quickly. **

**Then he picked up his key and darted from his hotel room. Kumajiro sat there on the floor, looking confused. "Where?" The little bear asked. **

**The the camera caught up to Canada. He was pressing the button for the elevator at a mile-a-minute. **

**"Comeonecomeoncomeoncomeoncom eoncomeon!" He chanted. Then he saw the stairs. **

**"Never mind Mr. Elevator!" And Canada ran down the stairs. The elevator door opened just as he started down the stairs. **

By now, Canada was bright red and burying his face into Kumajiro's fur. The other nations were laughing. They had all witnessed America do the exact same thing on many an occasion. America had a smirk of epic proportions and he looked quite pleased with himself. _Wanker._

"I hate you," Canada moaned half-heartedly.

"I love you too," America responded.

_I love you both as well. Platonically._

**Canada arrived at the first floor, not even out of breath. The elevator dinged at the first floor behind him. Canada's room was up very high. **_Damn he was fast. _

**"Excuse me miss?" He asked the concierge. "Is there any indoor skydiving here?"**

**"Sorry no, but if you want to go up high I'd suggest heading up to the top of the John Hancock. It's just down the street."**

**"Thanks!" Canada bounded off. He skipped down the street, drawing some odd stares. **

_"You know that you wanna be Canadian please!" _**He sang as he skipped down the street.**___"Even if in Winter things tend to freeze! We got the world monopoly on trees, and our country's bordered by three different seas!"_

**America was coming out of a Starbucks underneath one of those **_Fucking train-bridges,_ **and he started laughing as he heard what the Canadian was singing.**

France broke first. "Ohonhonhonhonhon! Mathieu, this is just too funny!"

"That's not even the best part according to Tony," America said. He had only just realized that he could use his jacket as a pillow, and was apparently going to be watching the rest sideways. _Idiot._

England could feel his stomach quivering. _What did he do yesterday?_ Hopefully it wouldn't be anything too embarrassing.

**Canada made it to the Hancock building and surprisingly there was no line. He seemed to be bored with skipping now, so he just paid for his ticket and got in the elevator. The operator pressed the button and exited the little room. Then the doors closed and it started to move. **

**"WooooooooooooooooHoooooooooo ooooooooooo!" Canada screamed, pumping his fists in the air. **

The nations laughed. They couldn't help themselves. Even Canada cracked a small grin.

**Then he froze. "Oh Maple I'm trapped in here! Let me out! Holy mother of maple syrup! Bwaaaaaaagh! Help Help HELP! Omigodomigodomigodomigodomig odomigodomigodomigodomigodom igodomigodomigodomigod!" He screamed, banging off the walls in the small space. **

Japan threw his head back and howled. And he was the quietest. America paused the video, and even Canada joined in the laughter. It was just too funny. _It does kind of make sense that the second biggest country in the world would be claustrophobic. Or maybe it's just the energy both._

**Then the doors clinked open and he causally walked out, no trace of his freakout in place. **

**He rushed over to the window and pressed his nose to the glass. **

_God save the Queen that's high up!_

**He danced around the edge of the walls, pausing only to go through the revolving door at the part with screened windows instead of glass. He was grinning wildly, humming his national anthem to himself. **

**"Hey there Alfred!" One of the guards greeted. **

**"I'm not Alfred! I'm his brother Matthew!" Canada turned on his heel to face the man, angry. **_Bye bye happy humming. _

**"I'm so sorry Matthew. You and your brother really do look alike. And you're acting alike too."**

**Canada became a statue, a look of horror on his face. **

**"I'm... Acting like Alfred?" He whispered. **

**"Well, you have been bouncing around for the past few minutes." The guard pointed out. **

**"Nooooooo!" Canada screamed, throwing himself to his knees France-style. "Say it isn't true! I can't be acting like him! I'm not announcing that 'I'm the Hero' or eating burgers! I'm not forgetting him or bothering Japanese people or insulting British people!"**

**The guard was making a valiant effort not to laugh. **

So were the nations.

"S-sorry," Canada apologized to America.

"S'alright. Watching this video makes up for it."

And thunk went Canada's head on the table.

_Ouch._

**"There there Matthew. It's alright, you aren't acting like your brother, you're just energetic."**

**Mattew sniffled. "You think so?"**

**The guard's smile was threatening to break into a large hysterical grin. "I know so."**

**"Thanks!" And Canada zoomed off back down the elevator, jumping like he was in the movie Elf. **

**He left the elevator and proceeded to search out food. Pulling out his phone, he messed around with it a bit and then grinned. "Perfect!" He announced.**

**Almost everyone in the little square he was in stopped and started at him. **_That's the bit that smelled like chocolate, isn't it? Yes, I can see the disgusting American chocolate store._

**The screen salt-and-peppered and then reformed. Canada was now in front of a large building. It was a restaurant called "Sweet Maple Cafe."**

_Oh God help us all. _

**Canada looked intently at the menu. The waitress fidgeted a little. "Sir?"**

**Canada jumped. "Yes?"**

**"You've been staring at the menu for fifteen minutes. Are you ready to order?"**

**"Oh of course. I'll have some chocolate chip pancakes with extra syrup. With a cup of coffee please."**

**She nodded and the screen went choppy again before reforming. Canada now had his food in front of him. He nodded to the waitress and waited until she went to serve someone else before her looked at the maple syrup.**

**"Alright syrup." He said threateningly. "I know you aren't Canadian, so here's how this is going to go down. I. Am. Going. To. Eat. You."**

Canada was mortified. He was staring at the screen red as his maple leaf. America clapped him on the back. "It's not that bad Mattie. You'll never meet them again."

"I tried to go there for breakfast this morning, and they didn't let me in."

"I wonder why," France said mischievously.

Canada just closed his eyes. If I don't see it, it didn't happen.

"Usually I would say 'Pics or it didn't happen,'" America started, but England shut him up.

"Just watch you idiot."

America rewound it a bit.

**"Going. To. Eat. You." Canada looked at the innocent bottle suspiciously. "I know you're Vermont. I know you are sub-standard. You, however, must know this yourself. Accept your failure of quality so I can't taste the false hopes and dreams of failed syrup on my pancakes. Understood?"**

**Evidently, in Canada's Five-hour energy induced state, the syrup accepted, because he proceeded to pour some in his coffee. **

**Then the screen went black and words flashed across the screen**

**"Due to the cavity-inducing nature of this maple syrup massacre, it has been blocked out for the well-being of your teeth."**

**Canada was now at Lincoln Park Zoo.**

**He danced through the gates humming "Canadian Please" and quickly found the bear exhibit. He was looking at the polar bears when he realized that Kumajiro was back in his hotel room with no food or water.**

**"FUUUUUCKKKKK!" He screamed.**

_HOLY SHIT!_

Everyone watching, whether on the screen or off, jumped.

America laughed first. "Nice lungs."

**"Excuse me sir, profanity is not permitted within the zoo. I'm afraid we are going to have to ask you to leave." The Zoo worker was polite, but firm about it.**

**"Fuuuuuuucccckkkkk," Canada whispered, staring at the polar bears.**

**Salt-and-peppering.**

**Canada was choking Kumajiro in a hug.**

**"Let go." The bear choked out.**

**"Well Kuma, let's get you food." Canada dragged the bear downstairs.**

**"Who?"**

**"We're getting ****you**** food, silly."**

**"Who are you."**

**"Oh for Chrissakes, I'm Canada."**

**The concierge stared at him. **

_Well he is talking to a bear and declaring himself to be Canada…_

**Canada gave a small "Heheh," and dashed outside.**

**"Pancakes." Kumajiro said.**

**"Fine."**

**And then they were in front of the "Sweet Maple Cafe" again.**

**"Get out," The waitress said as soon as she saw him.**

**"Why? I need to get my bear some breakfast."**

**"LEAVE!" She brandished a broom at him and Canada ran like the wind.**

**"Ahhhhhhhhhh!"**

**"Room Service." Kumajiro demanded.**

**"Okay!"**

**And Canada sprinted the mile to the hotel.**

**He set Kumajiro down on the bed, ordered room service and jumped on the bed until it arrived half an hour later.**

_Thank god for fast-forward._

**He brought the food into the room, set it in front of Kumajiro, and passed out suddenly on the bed.**

"That's the end!" America announced.

"I thought that stuff wasn't supposed to have a crash." Canada questioned, looking at the screen-him passed out on the bed.

America shrugged. "It crashes some people."

"As entertaining as that was," England said, causing many of them to start giggling again at the memories. "Why are we wasting time with this?"

"Would you prefer to have actual meetings when I already cleared this with our bosses?" America asked.

"No," England admitted.

"Exactly." America said.

"So who's next?" France asked.

"Funny you should ask that Francey-pants."

The demonic smile on America's face was all they needed to know.

….ooooOOOOoooo….

Canada's thoughts on the matter.

_Oh H-E-Double hockey sticks._

_What would ever posses me to do that?_

_Even if parts of it did look like fun._

_Except for being banned from a restaurant with "Maple" in the title._

_What kind of Canadian am I?_

_Wait, Chicago has a good hockey team. It's too bad it isn't hockey season._

_Never mind. Thank everything on this earth that it wasn't hockey season._

_Vermont syrup is a lie. _

_Hopefully they won't realize that I threaten all non-Canadian syrup._

_Please don't let them figure it out._

….ooooOOOOoooo….

Me while writing this: I'm having too much fun. I won't be able to write for anyone else now.

Hopefully I didn't waste all my energy on Canada. We still have

France

China

Japan

England

Italy

Germany

and America

If you want a say in the order, review please!

France, be prepared. He's probably going to get arrested.

Yes, this is pretty crackish. Okay, very crackish.

I NEED A LIFE! IF YOU HAVE AN EXTRA ONE FOR SALE, TALK TO ME! I CAN PAY IN HOMEMADE PANCAKES, WAFFLES, AND FRENCH TOAST!

Or I can make them at home and send you pictures!

~EpicHeroLaugh

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


	3. France

You can thank stereotypes for the inspiration for this chapter. Today in English class, we were having a debate on morals and stuff, and I got the chance to speak. I started making a point, and this girl totally interrupted me! That is my pet peeve guys, don't effing talk while I'm talking. I have been know to viciously smack people who interrupt me, but this time I just turned around and said "Ex-cuse me?". This time… After class she told me I acted like I was French. Very confusing. I'm pretty sure she was trying to insult me, but I didn't (surprise, surprise) find it very offensive. She's nice enough though, just a bit opinionated. Not that any of you care. However, you can thank her for making me remember this chapter, because I was literally writing sentences at a time with no inspiration, and had two different versions with no way to connect. Long A/N is long.

**HETALIA ISN'T MINE DUDES!**

_England's thoughts _

**Screen**

….ooooOOOOoooo….

**The screen was showing France with his own cup. France took a small sip before his eyes widened and he downed the whole thing. **

**"C'est magnifique!" He exclaimed, licking the inside of the cup. An odd expression was settling over his features. But it wasn't his "rape face".**

_He looks like a bloody squirrel._

"What the hell is wrong with your face, aru?" China asked.

Canada seemed to be overcome with giggles.

"Why so giggly?" America asked in a creepy voice, giving an unnaturally wide, maniacal grin.

Canada gave him a "seriously" face and replied, "Watch. You'll see soon enough."

France was already a vivid shade of lobster-red.

"Why are you already red Frog?"

"Ohonhonhonhon," His laugh was weak and strained. "No reason at all."

**France jumped around the room and the screen suddenly switched to him pulling on a light jacket. He wasn't in his boxers anymore. Well, he might have been, but there were gray jeans on over them. His French-flag patterned shirt was untucked. Not a usual for the Frenchman. **

**France was acting like a completely normal person. He just wasn't acting very much like France. But the look on his face contradicted his actions. There was something weird going on...**

**In the end, after a lot of salt-and-peppering, France ended up in a large shopping mall, Water something-or-other. **

**Walking into a clothes store, he looked around a bit, bouncing on the balls of his feet. **

England couldn't shake the feeling that there was something undeniably wrong. He was correct.

**"Can I help you sir?" A saleswoman asked flirtatiously. **

The countries waited for France to start hitting on her, but that didn't happen. _Holy Tea. There isn't a hint of lust in his eyes._

**"Que?" **

**"Sorry, sir." The woman's face screwed up in concentration. "No parle francais."**

**France tilted his head and stared at her. **

**This went on for about ten seconds before the woman became concerned. "Sir? Sir? Are you alright sir?"**

**"Soruxnskh." He said. **

The nations all exchanged looks. _What in the mothering hell was that?_

**"Are you okay sir?"**

**France's head tilted the other way, and he spaced out again. **

**France nodded. "Oui."**

**The saleslady gave him a very strange look, and France seemed to decide it was time to leave the store. **

**On his way down Michigan Avenue, he stopped to hug a girl wearing a "J'adore Paris" hoodie. France continued on, blissfully unaware of the confusion he had just caused. **

**The screen salt-and-peppered for a bit before France was shown walking through Millenium Park. The Bean stood proudly on display, and France braved the crowd of people to check it out. **

**He caught sight of his warped reflection and screamed bloody murder. "I am 'ideous! No one look at me!"**

**This of course, just made everyone look at him. The look on his face was one of absolute horror. **

England threw back his head and laughed. America paused the film and the nations all watched the gentleman completely break down. Tears streamed down his face, and he took great gulping breaths, face redder than France's. It was contagious, and soon the countries were laughing. It almost seemed backwards though. While Russia and China were laughing rather normally (even if they didn't usually laugh), Japan and Canada had their arms around England, and all three were in stitches. Germany was trying to hold it together, but Italy giggling next to him coaxed a grin, and then a full-belly laugh that rivaled Santa Claus came forth. *America was completely silent but for the odd breath here and there. His face was purple with the force of his silent laughter. France was sitting there staring at the paused screen, stuck in his glorious past and not even noticing the laughter. Finally the clip was played again, and the nations turned their attention to the screen.

**"Stop! Stop!" France shrieked. He froze. "Gafn! Jlac!" He froze again. And then he ran**

**And ran.**

**And ran.**

**And ran.**

**He finally stopped and his stomach let out the mother of all grumbles.**

**He looked around suspiciously, trying to find a place to eat. **

_All these restaurants would probably give him food poisoning._

**"Ed Debevics?" France read the sign.**

America and Canada let out little snorts._ Why?_

**"Eat and Get Out?" He read the sign next to the door. "What a 'orrible thing to put on a restaurant!"**

**"That's the point." A dark-haired woman with a six year old girl said, standing next to him.**

**"The point?" France asked, looking quite confused.**

**"The fun part about the restaurant is that the people are very rude to you sir! Right Juliet?" The little girl piped, jumping up and down. Her light brown hair was in two little pigtails with little clips shaped like chickens on either side of her head.**

**Juliet nodded.**

**"Mom said we could get ice cream, right?" The little girl asked, tugging on the woman's shirt.**

**"You betcha Jeanne, big sister's honor."**

**"Rude? Why would you ever go to a restaurant where the people are rude to you? The point of a restaurant is for the experience." France had clearly heard barely a word of their conversation after hearing that people went to restaurants so that people are rude to them.**

**"It's definitely an experience." Juliet laughed.**

**"It's really fun!" Jeanne smiled a little-girl smile. "Are you from France mister?"**

**"Oui." France seemed oddly un-flirtatious. His five (or twelve) hours weren't over yet though.**

**"That means yes!" Jeanne was very pleased with herself. "I'm in French class at school, and I'm the best at the fruits!"**

**"Is that so?" France asked. Then his stomach let out the father of all growls.**

**"Let's go in," Juliet jerked her head.**

**"Yeah!" Jeanne cheered. "Can he sit with us?" She whispered in her sister's ear. "He's funny and he dresses weird."**

The countries all snorted, giving each other nods in agreement.

**Juliet blushed and nodded. "Would you like to sit with us. You'll be all sad sitting alone."**

**France's head bobbed enthusiastically. "Oui Mademoiselle. Trés magnifique!"**

**"That means 'Yes miss, very awesome'." Jeanne informed her sister.**

**Juliet covered her mouth, hiding a slight curve to her lips. "Close enough."**

**The screen salt-and-peppered once again, and France was poking suspiciously at a piece of chicken.**

**"It's too bad you went to the bathroom while the server was here," Juliet was saying. "You missed the whole fun part."**

**France didn't seem to care, and just ate the piece of chicken.**

**"Hey lady, I didn't realize you had a boy toy," Called out a voice. It was the server.**

**"What's a boy toy?" Jeanne asked innocently.**

**"Nothing." Juliet said quickly, turning to glare at the server. The man, wearing fifties-diner style clothing with a large amount of buttons on the apron shrugged insincerely. His name tag read "BACON."**

**"You're name is Bacon?" France asked curiously.**

**"Nah, what's your name Francey-pants?"**

**"Je m'appelle Francis."**

**"Fancy language ya got there," Bacon drawled. "But I have no clue what you said."**

**"You're dumb," Jeanne said, looking ridiculously pleased that she was allowed to be rude here. "His name is Francis silly. Everyone knows what "Je m'appelle" means."**

**"Oh I'm dumb?"**

**"Yeah," Jeanne was enjoying this a lot. France looked nostalgic. **

_Well, America wasn't quite that rude on a daily basis, but if he had ever been brought to that type of restaurant, he would have be acting the same, if not worse. *sigh* Dammit! Get away Nostalgia!_

**"You have chickens in your hair." Bacon said, winking at Juliet.**

**"They're clips stupid." Jeanne looked satisfied with herself.**

**"You're a rude little girl, aren't you?" Bacon asked.**

**"Yes," And the "rude little girl" looked so smug about it the adults all chuckled.**

**France suddenly sat up straight.**

_Maybe I'll finally get some good blackmail material._

**"I have to go." He said. France threw some Euros down on the table and ran like China whenever Korea tries to "claim his breasts". Da~ze.**

**Salt-and-peppering**

_What a tasteless statue._

****Chicago's Marilyn Monroe statue was there. The statue was a 3D version of her "skirt up" picture, and England got a horrible sense of foreboding. **_France. In public. With a statue of a beautiful woman. With her skirt up. Bloody hell. At least I'll get my blackmail._

**France ran across traffic to the statue. He stood directly behind it and stared right at the lacy underwear. His whole body was quivering.**

**All the nations groaned. All the bottled-up lust from the whole day was there. All of it at once.**

**They really should've seen it coming. Within ten seconds, France was sitting comfortably in the top of the statue's dress. He looked like he might be in heaven, if it weren't for the concrete set of assets on either side of him.**

"I wish I remembered this." France said wistfully.

"That's kinda gross dude."

**Sirens in the distance came closer and closer and soon France was sitting in the back of a squad car. The policeman was a younger man, and he had a large grin on his face the whole car ride to the station.**

**Salt-and-peppering and the screen reformed outside France's hotel room.**

**"What the hell dude?" America was dragging France by his upper arm. America seemed to be unable to keep his eyes open, but France was bouncing like an excitable toddler.**

**"Just stay in your hotel room. There's a disease going around. Americans are immune, but the French are especially susceptible."**

**"What is this disease?"**

**"It'll infect your vital regions and they'll fall off. If you leave the room, you can say goodbye to the Eiffel Tower."**

**France's eyes nearly popped out of head.**

Then there was a whirring sound and the film shut off completely.

America sniggered at the obvious lie he had told France.

"Very funny, who's next?" Canada asked. _I didn't know he could use sarcasm. I guess I rubbed off on him more than I thought._

"Does anyone want to be?" America asked.

The disbelieving looks he got in return answered the question.

"Me!" Korea burst through the wall.

"What the hell?" America exclaimed. "You aren't Kool-Aid man!"

Canada bit down on his hand to keep from laughing.

"Why are you here, aru?" China muttered.

Korea smiled nervously, backing away from China. "I'll just sit here Da~ze!" He exclaimed, sliding in between America and Japan.

"Pick a video." Russia commanded.

America scowled, but began to do so.

"Eenie meenie miinie moe. Catch a tiger by the toe. If he hollers let him go. Eenie Meenie miinie moe." America pointed at the screen of his phone. His face fell. "No, I don't wanna play that one." He whined. "Eenie,-"

"-Just play it wanker!"

America sighed and started the next video.

….ooooOOOOoooo….

France's thoughts on the matter.

_Boobs. Everywhere. Touch them screen-me! _

_No, you just hugged that girl without a single grope._

_What did I even do? I've lost my amour! No! Touch that girl with the cheeky sister! NOW!_

_Oh. Well at least I got _some_, even if they were concrete. Size over real anyway. That will be my new motto. I wonder what kind of seal I could make myself with that? Hmm…_

….ooooOOOOoooo….

I should be arrested for writing this. Quick explanation The Five Hour Energy temporarily took away any desire for love or lust. It also screwed up his speaking abilities. This chapter was really crappy, I want to apologize. France, for me at least, is hardest for me to characterize. Even though I'm pretty similar to America, I can write best from England's point of view. No clue why.

ORDER YO!

Canada

France

_America_

**China**

**Italy and Germany**

**Japan**

**England. **

NOTE: I skipped down the street singing. I actually skipped the mile-and-a-bit to school (That's about 1.7-1.8 kilometers, so's-ya-knows), singing. Plus I danced around my cousin's kitchen a little on my way. That is why America is next.

I've got something extra-special planned for England, and America will be next, but if anyone really cares about the rest of the order, I don't mind changing it around :D

…..

*All my friends laugh loudly, but when something is really funny, there won't be a sound in the room. That's the best kind of laugh.

**GOD I HATE THAT STATUE SO MUCH! IT'S SO FAR FROM CLASSY, AND IT CAN ACTUALLY RUIN A TRIP TO DOWNTOWN CHICAGO. IT'S JUST SO VULGAR! Sorry, I'm done. But I still cannot stand that statue


	4. America

I don't own Hetalia.

Dammit. I read through my last chapter and realized I used the wrong "you're" and a few other mistakes. I hate those "you're" mistakes. *Scream of rage* And I promised myself that I'd never make one of those. I broke my promise to myself. DX

**Done with the ranting, you should probably actually read now. XD**

…**.ooooOOOOoooo….**

**The Twilight Zone**

_"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone."_

"Do I have to?"

_If America whines one more time, I'm going to hang him from the rafters with his own bloody jacket._

"Mon dieu, just un pause it!" France was clearly eager to have his own screw-ups forgotten. _Not bloody likely._

_If my life was a Television program, I'd be the most sympathized-with person in the world._

"Your breasts belong to me Da-ze~!" Korea attacked Japan.

_Well, maybe not the most sympathized-with. But a pretty damn close second. Or rather, third._

"Press play now."

America glared at Russia. "Make me."

"With pleasure."

And quick as a flash, the video played. Russia paused in his position from all the way across the room to give a bewildered look at the screen. America's mouth was opened in outrage.

"Everyone sit down and shut up." Germany said, waving the remote slightly and giving America and Russia warning looks. England shot him a grateful look. _Thank god. That could have escalated quickly._

**"Nggggh," America moaned. He was leaning against a building out on the street. One of those **_stupid_ **trains went overhead and he didn't even react. America trudged to a Starbucks a little down the street. Entering he ordered something** s_tupid loud trains. He already had a slight headache and now he couldn't even hear the audio!_ **and exited the shop, huddling into the drink, presumably coffee. His clothing was rather strange. He had a very professional-looking black suit on with a perfectly tied tie on. Possibly the scariest part was that Nantucket was laying completely flat on his head. England couldn't count how many times he had tried to do that exact thing. And it NEVER worked. Ever. **

_**"Even if in Winter things tend to freeze! We got the world monopoly on trees, and our country's bordered by three different seas!" **_**Came Canada's loud singing voice.**

The nations paused to relive the memories of Canada's exciting day. Once their smiles had almost disappeared, Germany kept going.

**America started laughing as he heard what the Canadian was singing, and Nantucket flew back up. Once Canada was gone, America headed off down the street as the nations watched, amazed, as Nantucket immediately plastered itself back to his head. **_The hair has just been making fun of me since the first time I saw it. I just know it._

**The screen salt-and-peppered for a moment before reforming into the front of the conference building. America entered and went into the room marked with a little American flag in the "Hallway of Offices." Any time there was a conference, each country would get a small office to use in the building, but they were rarely, if ever, used. **

**America now took a small sip of his drink, and a soft and purely blissful smile appeared on his face.**

**And then he sat down at the desk and began to feverishly do paperwork. The countries had to sit through a good while of fast-forwarding, just seeing America reading, writing, and signing papers.***

**The movie suddenly played, and America's phone went off.**

**"Hello?"**

**England couldn't hear the voice on the other end, but the scowl that appeared on America's face was intimidating.**_ Holy hell, he looks like a blond Romano._ **America got in a cab, the screen salt-and-peppered for a bit, and then a familiar image came up.**

"He inherited something from you other than a bad taste in food," France said, gesturing towards the America on the screen.

_Oh. So America is scowling like me. Blond Romano, what the hell is wrong with me? I'm far too tired._

**"What the hell dude?" America was dragging France by his upper arm. America seemed to be unable to keep his eyes open, but France was bouncing like an excitable toddler.**

**"Just stay in your hotel room. There's a disease going around. Americans are immune, but the French are especially susceptible."**

**"What is this disease?"**

**"It'll infect your vital regions and they'll fall off. If you leave the room, you can say goodbye to the Eiffel Tower."**

**France's eyes nearly popped out of head.**

_The look on his face was just priceless. At least something good came out of these films._

**America didn't even laugh as he walked away, just gave a slight sigh and went to his own hotel room, rubbing his temples. After a bit of Salt and Peppering, America was dressed again with wet hair and a slightly more awake look about him. Then America's phone rang again, and the young country pinched his nose in an all-too-stereotypically-British fashion and answered with a long suffering sigh.**

**"Hello, this is the United States of America. Who am I speaking with?"**

**Extremely loud and unintelligible yelling came from the innocent phone. The only thing that possibly identified the voice was the English accent.**

_Bloody hell, that better not be me. _England knew his face was pale, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Mortification gripped him and held him in his chair. _Please don't let it be me._

**And that was when things got really weird.**

**"I'm afraid that I'm unable to understand a single word you are saying England. You're going to have to use better diction."**

_What the __**FUCK(!)**__ did he just say?_

"Amerika," Russia gave a little giggle. "It seems that you can't function like an moron without your energy."

America just aimed a punch at him, though they were on opposite side of the large table. He didn't even lift his head up.

**"You are in Central Park?" America said slowly into the phone.**

**There was a murmur from the phone.**

**"You do realize that we are currently residing in Chicago, correct?"**

A slight widening of America's eyes was the only indication that he knew something was wrong. Horribly wrong. Canada was staring at his brother on the screen in horror. In fact, all the nations present were looking at America with a form of suspicion. He was acting very strict in an almost-Germany way, and his way of speech was becoming strange to the extreme.

**"Yes, I could come find you. However, I don't really feel like hiking around the city just to find your idiotic mint bunny." Angry murmurs came from the phone. "Real or not, I do not wish to spend my precious work time looking for a flying bunny. I think that you are on North Avenue Beach, just so you are informed. You should also learn how to find things yourself. Good bye England and good luck on your wild goose chase. " America sniffed imperiously and hung up his phone.**

Even Russia was scared.

"America, are you feeling alright now?" China asked tentatively.

"I'm feeling unusually tired." America replied. "But I think that I managed to pull that stick out of my ass yesterday night, so no worries."

England was too relieved to scold him about the crude mental image he had just gotten. _At least he'll be okay now, if little bit tired._

**By then the scene had changed to show the Conference Center again. America walked down the hallway when he stopped dead and straightened up. He stayed perfectly still and then, ever so slowly, his head turned to a potted plant in the corner. He reached behind it and pulled out a camera. Looking it over, America scowled again.**

**Just the idea of America scowling was scary enough, but to actually see him do it was another thing. **_I've seen him angry, but I've never seen him give a good, honest-to-god scowl before._

**"Honestly Japan. I do not have time for your silly games. I am turning off your camera. You can come get it tomorrow." America made a disgusted noise and went into his own office, placing the camera on a shelf up high.**

Japan nodded to himself. "I'll pick up my camera later America-San."

"Sure, whatever," America yawned hugely and Germany shot him a look before pressing play. _I guess it's still too much to hope for that he might have retained some form of manners from me._

**America straightened his glasses as he sat down in his chair. **_**"Hail to the Chief"**_** played (da da da daa da da da da da da daaaa da. Da da da daaa da da da da da da dun dun dun dun!) and he answered his phone, speaking respectfully. "Hello sir, this is Alfred speaking."**

**"…."**

**"No, nothing is wrong. How are you sir?"**

**"…." **The president was speaking in an urgent tone, but that was the only bit England could make out of his muffled words.

**"I am glad to hear it. Is there anything you needed sir?"**

**"…."**

**"I promise that everything in Chicago is just fine. Not counting the corruption if you pardon my joke."****

"That wasn't even a joke!" America began to pound his head on the table.

"Amerique, why exactly are you acting like that?" France asked, gesturing towards the screen.

"I." America stopped hitting his head on the table, looking conflicted. "I just ran out of energy I suppose." He said thoughtfully.

A trickle of foreboding went down England's neck._This is even stranger than France. On a daily basis. Put together._

**"…." The President's reply came from the phone as Germany had enough and pressed play.**

**"I am fine as well. You don't need to keep asking how I am feeling sir. I assure you that I am feeling perfectly well today."**

**"…."**

**"No, you do not need to visit."**

**"…."**

**"I am well aware that quite a few other nations are arriving this evening."**

**"…."**

**"Yes sir, I am planning on leaving shortly to pick quite a few of them up."**

**"…."**

**"I can assure you that everything will go smoothly. That includes the meeting two days from now."**

**"…."**

**"I am proud to hear that you have confidence in me. Good bye sir."**

**"…."**

**America hung up his phone and checked the time. He smiled slightly, and somehow the smile looked official. It was a far cry from his usual grin.**

_Damn, why is there so much salt-and-peppering?_

**The screen resolved once more, and America was back in the same Starbucks.**

**"I remember you from earlier. I told you coffee would have woken you up better," A pretty young woman shook her finger at him. "What would you like?"**

**"A tea, same as earlier."**

Germany paused it. Every single nation turned to stare at America, who had his face in his hands.

England opened his mouth and closed it again.

Italy tilted his head, about to ask America something when Germany rewound it quickly and it replayed.

**"A tea, same as earlier."**

"Why did you order a tea?" England burst out.

"Nostalgia and a lot of Irish college students visiting," America muttered. "Can we just get on with the video?"

Germany just pressed play in response.

**"Coming right up," She replied.**

**Salt-and-Peppering, and then America was in an airport England recognized from his flight here. **_That's America's busiest Airport, isn't it? Although it _is_ in a very convenient location._

**America was holding a sign that said **

**"Tino, Berwald, Lukas, Matthais, Emil"**

**Finland bounced over out of the large group of people and over to America. Then he did a humorous double-take. **

**"America?"**

**"Yes. I trust your flight was well?"**

**"Fine thank you." Finland's eyebrows met in the middle.**

**"Hello." America nodded to the rest of the Nordics. Denmark cocked his head confusedly and Norway shook his head slightly as if clearing his ears. Iceland gave America an inscrutable look before jerking his head towards the luggage carousel. **

**America's eyes widened a bit. "I am so sorry. I will go get a cart to put your suitcases in." He walked off to the cart station and Sweden spoke for the first time. "'re we s're tha's Ame'ica?"**

**"I'm not." Iceland said.**

**"It's definitely America, but there's something wrong." Norway said slowly.**

**"Which bags are yours?" America asked the group.**

**"They have our flags on them, come on," Finland gestured to everyone as he lead the way to the carousel. **

**"Here," America put Denmark's bag on the cart. "And here's yours Sweden."**

**In a matter of two minutes, America had all the luggage.**

**"Thanks. Let's GO!" Denmark now lead the way. Then he stopped. "Hey Alfred, where's your car?"**

**America hailed a minivan taxi. "Sorry, I don't have a car here."**

**Sweden's face didn't change, but he turned to look at Denmark, whose eyebrows knitted.**

**The six nations fit comfortably into the car. Iceland, from his position in the right hand back had a perfect view of America in the left hand front. He studied the American closely, and America suddenly looked up and glanced around. Iceland immediately looked out the window.**

**"Is everything alright?" Finland asked.**

**"I'm fine. I just need a bit of rest. Maybe I'll turn in early."**

**All the Nordics' eyes widened. America turning in early. **_Oh Fuck, we're in for it now!_

**They arrived at the hotel fast-forwarded and America helped them all to their rooms before bidding them goodnight and heading upstairs. He peeked in on Canada before going to bed in his own room. **

The last image of America turning the lights off faded from the screen and the nations all looked suspiciously at America, who had just fallen asleep on his jacket.

"UP, Aru!" China shouted, making half the room jolt upright and America flailed, falling off of his chair.

"Not cool dude," America moaned, crawling back into the warmth his body heat had left on the chair. "Just for that, you can be next."

"What?"

"Can we just save him for never?" Korea asked. "I never want to see him like that again."

Everyone turned to face him and he shuddered.

"No China will be next," Russia said decisively.

_I'm worried as to what China did that's making Korea act so scared. Very worried. And scared._

…**.ooooOOOOoooo….**

**China is next guys. Be afraid. Be very afraid.**

**There was a pretty positive response geared toward China going crazy, so if you have any ideas, I'd be glad to hear them. I don't think I have enough to constitute a whole chapter.**

**This is, by far, one of the hardest things I've had to write. Writing a person acting serious while trying to make it humorous at the same time was frustrating. I'm fairly pleased with the result however, so drop me a review? Or a comment? Or a concern?**

**Oh, and you should all go on youtube and watch Germany's leather pants if you have not. I may make a reference in a later chapter, and you will find it a lot funnier if you actually know what I'm talking about. And it's easily one of the funniest/strangest things I've ever seen, and way worth a watch or two.**

***Believe it or not, Americans are known to be the workaholics of the world. I personally think that should be expanded on in Hetalia, but then again, it wouldn't really fit with the persona Hima has already built for him.**

****Illinois has had like, six corrupt governors in a row. Illinoisians kinda suck at picking people to run their state. Just saying. **_*cough* BLAGO *cough*_** What? I didn't say nothing XD**


	5. China

An update? Really? I'm sorry it took so long.

Happy few days after election day. Have a dancing Alfred. www. jibjab view/9hCrknstS82sHcY3Nyrh2Q

You know you want him :D

I must go cry in shame now. I forgot America's thoughts! And I'm so so so so sorry it took so long. My iPod (The device I use to write) broke and well, that hindered my progress. As well as my injured index finger. Also, America in this story isn't as stupid as portrayed. He has a way of thinking that is rather childish and dumb at times, but he has brainpower behind it. He simply chooses not to act serious and smart all the time.

Oh, **this isn't USUK or ANY OTHER PAIRING**, just America being a weird person with a brain in a "Scumbag Steve" hat. And Korea being terrified and in need of a nice hug from someone who is terrified quite often ;)

AND I am an American trying to write from England's point of view. I am well aware of some Britishisms, but if you see something wrong, don't be afraid to let me know.

Whenever the clips are paused or anything, assume it's Germany.

…**.ooooOOOOoooo….**

_I wonder if I could get away with drawing eyes over my eyelids and pretending to watch? Dang, I only have colored pencils. Ohhh! A sharpie! Aaaaaand It's orange. Damn. Oogly boogly I command thee to be the opposite color! _

_..._

_Well, that worked as well as I thought it would. i.e., not at all._

_I just want to block the memories of yesterday out! I don't want to watch them again. That was horrifying! I didn't feel like doing anything I usually do!_

_Okay, Canada is so funny. I wonder if I can modify those lyrics? _

You know you wanna be American please. We can kick some ass and drink strong coffee. With awesome TV shows and movies, America is the place to be!

_I'm bored now. Oh, that's weird, I'm watching myself work. Crap, I still have those sheets to work through tonight. I should really get more sleep in the future, it's not healthy to be up that late. _

_Oh great, now they'll know about tea-season. Damn you English people coming over for the summer! Although it's hilarious when it's too hot to wear pants and the guys have to wear shorts. Their legs are paler than Prussia! I wonder if England's legs are that pale? Attack plan! What's the best way to get England out of his pants? _

_WTF brain? That sounded… No that's disgusting! He's like a cousin or something. Not a brother anymore, 'cuz of like, obvious reasons and crap, but a close cousin. *Shudder* Aww, gross! WTF!_

_France's face. I think I'll set that as his picture for caller ID later. Or now… Done. Free entertainment every time he calls me. If he actually did ever call me... Which he doesn't. I'll set it for England. It'll entertains me, and if they ever figure it out it'll piss them off. I can't lose._

_Oh, airport. Wow, I should probably talk to the Nordics about that. Shit, I'm totally official and stuff. _

_Oh thank god it's done. I had a major stick up my ass. Maybe that's why England's always so freaked out to break the rules! He has a giant teaspoon up his ass! Life mystery number 52 solved!_

_*Internal facepalm* I just failed at life._

_I really need sleep_

**Take a few seconds to breathe and read the anticipated, the illustrious, CHINA!**

**Who managed to scare South Korea into a quivering ball of nerves in the corner… With a random appearance from Japan. So a little preview into what Japan did.**

* * *

"I don't think anything China could do could honestly be that bad." England said reasonably. _Please let that be true._

"Maybe if he's so scared to watch it we should simply not, aru," Suggested China hopefully.

"Not a chance." America said. "I'm pressing play."

"No, I am." Germany took command of the remote, raising his eyebrows at the pouting American about to protest.

Korea whimpered. America stopped pouting.

_And _now_ I'm worried._

**China sighed, banged his head on the table, and downed the little bottle. He sighed once more, simply sitting there.**

"Is he going to do anything?" France asked. "This is rather boring."

America looked confused for a moment then he seemed to remember something. "Sometimes it takes a couple minutes to really take effect."

**Surely enough, China began to shudder. Then his face cleared and he relaxed, but there was something…off… about his eyes. And his legs were jittering wildly.**

**"China!" South Korea burst into the room. "I'm here early Anikiiiiiiii!"**

**"Your breasts belong to me, aru!" And China grabbed him.**

Germany paused the image of China molesting Korea and every single nation's head turned sideways at China.

China himself looked horrified. "What the hell, aru!?"

_What the hell indeed. Aru. Alright, now I'm just being racist._

**"Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Korea screamed. "Help! TAIWAN! Wait she's not here, HONG KONG! Wait, he's not here either. Vietnam! NO ONE IS HERE! Wait.. JAPAN!" His voice rose to a shriek on the second "A" of JAPAN! so it sounded more like JAPA-EEEN!**

**"What?" A ceiling tile moved and Japan poked his head down from the new and temporary hole in the ceiling. "What's wrong?" **_What the bloody hell?! Why is Japan in the ceiling?!_

**"How did you-?" Korea looked like his whole world had just fallen apart.**

The Korea off-screen was shivering. "So scary," He muttered. He tried to bury his head into Japan's shoulder, but Japan pushed him off rather violently and he hit America. Korea grabbed America now, hiding his face from the screen.

"Help. Me." America mouthed to England, but England just shook his head. _Ha wanker, see what it's like to have a quivering ball of scared stuck to you for extended periods of time._ Canada also looked quite smug at the fact that America's position in the "Help me, I'm scared" hug situation was switched. Japan seemed to have some inner turmoil on whether he should help America or not. He decided not to and merely returned his gaze to the screen before remembering what the screen-him was doing. He promptly turned a bright shade of red.

**"How did I what?" Japan asked. His dark eyes were unnaturally wide and lit with a strange light from the inside. In short, he looked insane. The terrifyingly wide and unnatural smile on his usually inscrutable face was nothing short of, well, terrifying and unnatural. **

_Did he spend the day with Russia or something?_

**"Get up there?" Korea finished weakly.**

**"Hungary had some very good tips. Excuse me, I've got places to go, people to perve." And Japan replaced the ceiling tile and there was nothing more. **_Perve? Since when does Japan perve on people?_

**Korea stared in horror at the ceiling. Then he came to his senses and remembered the nation clinging to his front.**

**"I'm don't even have anything for you to grab!" Korea pleaded.**

**China let go of him for a moment then furrowed his brows in concentration.**

**"So?" He asked. "You grab me and I don't have anything to grab either."**

**Korea's mouth opened and closed. "But. But. But. I. I. I."**

**"I'm bored. Let's eat!"**

**And China dragged him out of the hotel room, but after a quick glance around changed his mind. "Let's go for a jog instead, aru!"**

**The screen salt-and-peppered before they ended up in a park. **

**"Come on brother!" China was doing a little dance-jog in place at the start of a jogging trail, bobbing his head from side to side to some invisible beat. Joggers slowed a little as they passed, some loosing their breath due to laughter (the ones that still had enough breath left to lose that is). China didn't spare any a single glance.**

**"How long is this?" Korea was pointedly not looking at China.**

**"Ten miles or something, aru." China was still doing his little dance, but now his arms were moving…strangely… **_Looks like Japan after he vacationed in Italy. I can see why Korea is scared. I'm scar- I mean rather bothered by it- as well._

England glanced over to see the America trying to calm Korea down and whispering soothing words to him. Something in Korean… _Since when does America speak Korean?_

**"Ten miles? How far is that?"**

**"Who cares?!" China laughed "YOLO!" and he took off down the path. Now joggers were staring for a different reason. China was jogging like a pro. He even leapt tall… prams… in a single bound, scaring mothers and infants alike.**

**"Wait for me!" Korea ran after China. A flash that looked suspiciously like a camera went off, but neither nation slowed. China had a smile wider than his great wall was long, and Korea's face was a mask of concentration.**

Korea shuddered again. America patted his head. "It's okay Korea, everything's back to normal now. No need to freak."

"You have to admit it's scary."

"Terrifying," America agreed, ignoring China's yell of "HEY!"

Korea finally faced the screen and retook his own seat, a stubborn look on his face. "I will watch this." He announced. China rolled his eyes. America tried to get the feelings in his legs back without stomping on the ground. Korea was oddly heavy.

**The film fast-forwarded by itself, and showed China and Korea speeding through the park. Korea's face was a bright red while China had a look of pure bliss on his face. Both the fast forwarding and China stopped at the same time. China was looking across a field. A field full of little children in bright blue shirts with white writing across the front about some kind of summer camp.**

_Please don't let him act like Spain. Please don't let him act like Spain. Please don't let him act like Spain. Please don't let him act like Spain. Please don't let him act like Spain. Please don't let him act like Spain. Please don't let him act like Spain. Please don't let him act like Spain. Please don't let him act like Spain. Please don't let him act like Spain. Please don't let him act like Spain. Please don't let him act like-_

**China squealed. "They're so adorable, aru," He gushed, bring his hands up to his face and bouncing from foot to foot like a small child with a desperate need to go to the bathroom.**

_Are we in the clear? Is he going to get a nosebleed?_

**Korea face-planted to the ground. He moaned in pain before saying in a scratchy, slightly muffled tone, "I'm too tired to look."**

**"Up up up up up!" China sang, dragging Korea up to his feet. "Stand stand stand stand aru~!"**

**"No," Korea moaned, trying to sink back into the ground. China wouldn't let him however, and Korea allowed China to hold him up.**

**"Look." China grabbed Korea's face and made him look at the small children. A little boy yanked on the pigtails of a little girl and she got up, chasing him around the field. **

**"Awww!" China squealed again. "Young love!"**

_Okay, if he was going to get a nosebleed, he would have already. Just relax and watch the film England. Stop scaring yourself. You are on a beach, drinking a lovely cup of tea and relaxing with a good book. Relax._

**"Hey mister!" It was the little boy. "Wanna play?"**

**The little girl pantsed the little boy. "That's what you get for pulling my hair Jeremy!"**

**Jeremy shrieked, covering his Star Wars boxers up with his shorts once more. "Helen!"**

**Helen giggled. China looked like he was going to die from cuteness overload.**

**"Korea, Korea," China tugged on Korea's sleeve. "Aren't they just the cutest things you've ever seen?"**

**"They are cute," Korea agreed. Now that he had recovered from the ten-mile run, he was almost back to his old self. He still seemed rather wary around China, but was now trying to see it as a pleasant surprise.**

**"So misters," Helen piped up. "Will you play with us?"**

**"Yeah! Playing originated in Korea da-ze~!"**

**"Yes." China nodded. "Sure Helen, we'll play."**

_Did he just agree that playing originated in Korea?_

**The screen salt-and-peppered, and when it was back to normal the sky was a bit darker.**

**"That was fun," China waved goodbye to the large group of kids. Korea danced around, which was nothing unusual (Although China was dancing with him, which WAS unusual). However, the thing that sent the nations into complete and utter shock was what the children had done to them. it seemed that Helen and her little group of friends had brought play-makeup, and either they were highly skilled seven-year-olds or the nations had applied it. China had purple eyeshadow and bright red lips, and his hair was braided with many different kinds of flowers. Korea, unlike China, still looked like a man, albeit one with bright blue eyelids and pink lips.**

Russia fell off of his chair. America ducked his head under the table and pulled it out. "I think he's dead." America said matter-of-factly.

"What!" China dove under the table, forgetting his own shock. He pulled back up looking very annoyed. "You an ass! He's fine, aru!"

"He's unconscious." America pointed out.

China flushed a bright red. "He's not dead."

America and Korea snickered. Then Korea remembered what the screen-him looked like. "Oh. No one is ever going to let me forget that, are they?"

"Nope. 'Specially not me!" America grinned at Korea.

England wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. China. _What did they do to you? You had so much pride. What did that… drink… do to me? Oh hell, what did I do yesterday? And why can't I remember? I think that's the most suspicious bit. I hope I didn't do anything like China did. I wish I could remember what I did. What was it?_

But for the life of him, England couldn't remember

**"Yes, it was fun." Korea agreed. "It was fun hanging out with you today aniki, even though you scared me this morning." **

**"I had a good day," China agreed.**

Russia then woke up. For once his and America's eyes met and they had the same feelings on the subject. They were both horrified.

**His phone rang.**

**"K-I-T-T-Y**

**K-I-T-T-Y**

**Everybody say**

**Hello Kitty!**

**Who lov-"**

**China answered the phone without a hint of a blush while Korea's head tilted so far to the side in disbelief that it was nearly upside-down.**

**"Hello, aru?!" China seemed oddly excited.**

**It was impossible to understand who was on the other end, but China freaked out.**

**"Shinatty-Chan! You called me! You're even on the phone so it has to be you no one else would be calling me now and omigod, aru, I love you can we get together sometime and do something like drink some tea and look at flowers in the sun and have a party just for one except there will be two of us, aru, and then we can maybe invite some friends along and sing songs and have a great time and then you can introduce me to your sister and the rest of you itsy bitsy pretty kitty family and then we can play pretend and make some brand new friends and see rainbows in the sky and little birds up near them and it'll be so fun, aru!" He let out a very unmanly giggle. As in "rainbow-unicorn that eats rainbows and sparkles more than Edward Cullen" unmanly. Times two. Hundred.**

**China waited for a response, not even seeing the look of utter horror on Korea's face.**

China was bright red. The nations were dying. Of laughter that is. America wheezed over the side of the table with Korea, France clung to Germany, almost crying, and Italy clung to the chuckling German's other side, giggling, Russia was kohling little happy kohl's and holding a heartily laughing Canada, and England's face turned a bright lobster-red as Japan tried so hard not to laugh before giving up and joining, being grabbed by Korea. China closed his eyes and put his head in his hands.

_Did he just whisper for the floor to swallow him up? He deserves it for that awful run-on sentence. That was the most painful part, not the almost word-for-word recitation of the Hello Kitty theme song. Er, not that I know the Hello Kitty theme song by heart or anything, because of course I am far too much of gentleman to-ah bollocks._

**"Hello?" China asked into the phone. "Shinatty-chan?"**

**He waited a little longer. "Hmm, I think Shinatty-chan hung up. Maybe he's busy." China shrugged.**

**Korea made a weak gasping noise and held out a hand.**

**"What?"**

**"Phone," Korea whispered. China handed him the phone and Korea tapped a couple buttons. His entire face paled.**

**"China?"**

**"What is it, aru?"**

**"That was your boss aniki." China snatched the brightly colored kitty-and-rainbow encased phone out of Korea's hands.**

**"WHAT!" China shrieked. **

_It seems that China came to his senses just a little too late_ England thought as the film ended and China's horrified face faded from the screen.

"Noooooooo!" China rounded on America. "You!" He pointed a finger at America. "This is all your fault! No wonder my boss was laughing at me this morning!"

"He was?" Canada asked with interest and what could possibly be taken as polite malice.

"Shut up!" China was angry. "Just for this I get to control the remote."

"Fine." America shrugged. "Hey Germany, that means you're next."

Germany paled.

"Oh, and hey," America smirked. "Tony's information says that you and Italy spent all day yesterday together. This'll be awesome."

The doors suddenly opened an a madly grinning head poked around it.

"I heard the word awesome!"

…

And YOLO? The idea of China ever saying YOLO makes me laugh hysterically. And possibly want to cry at the same time. Worst acronym ever. -_-

OnnaMurcielago666 came up with the idea of China thinking Shinatty-Chan had called him. I just made him answer...

I'm sorry, this probably wasn't worth the wait. But:

Canada

France

America

_China_

**Italy and Germany**

**Japan**

**England**

**Italy and Germany are next. This is one I've been planning since I got the idea. *Cue evil laugh**


	6. Germany and Italy

**RATED A (as in Anyone-who-can-actually-handle-swears) for Tony. =_= (England is not pleased)**

* * *

**So, a couple people mentioned the yaoi in the last chapter. Nope. No pairings guys. If you want to see it as them in denial be my guest, but it wasn't meant to be.**

**Yup. If any of you read either of my other stories, I'm sorry. One is very challenging and the other no one likes D:**

**ONTO WHAT YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT**

**Germany and Italy**

**Mwahahahaha! Quake in fear! The nations are so scared they don't even laugh that much! Hopefully you won't be the same :D The cover finally makes sense!**

**I'd suggest you take your time with this chapter and try reading the lines in their voices. Italy... I... I just... Sorry...**

**Oh, I never mentioned that I don't own Hetalia. Because you totally couldn't figure that out yourself...**

* * *

The nations all looked as Prussia, his facial expression remaining unchanged, slumped to the floor.

Hungary stepped into the room. England winced. Her heels were definitely going to leave a mark on Prussia's back.

"What is going on here?" She asked, the frying pan in her hands magically disappearing.

America looked like he wasn't positive if he should answer or not. Finally he muttered, "My friend Tony set up this thing wit-"

"Five hour energy!" Hungary finished excitedly.

"How'd you know?"

"I spent yesterday with Japan." Hungary smiled and pulled out a small package of Kleenex out of nowhere. "Let's get watching." She sat down in an empty chair and relaxed, looking expectantly towards the screen. Prussia was still on the floor, out cold. There was an awkward pause before China nodded to the room at large and pressed play.

**"Are we sure this is safe?" Germany was asking Italy. They were in a Starbucks somewhere in the city, but it didn't seem to be the one America had gone to.**

**"I don't think America would poison us," Italy said before drinking the contents on the bottle. "Oh no!" He immediately freaked out. "What if it was poisoned! We're going to die!"**

**Germany, who had downed his own at the same time, just rolled his eyes. "No we won't."**

**"Okay." Italy calmed down. **_That's strange, shouldn't he be bouncing off the walls by now? He definitely shouldn't be calming down._

**While Italy looked ready to fall asleep, Germany was shaking his head like he was trying to get water out of it and had a worried expression. Slowly the worried expression disappeared only to be replaced with a large goofy smile.**

_Something is seriously screwed up. What. Just, what?_

**It seemed that Italy had found the worried expression as his eyes opened and his eyebrows furrowed slightly. His mouth was a little line on his face and he looked every bit the part of a stern business-oriented man.**

**"Come on Italy," Germany whined. "Let's do paperwork. Paperwork Italy. Italy. Italy. Paperwork. Paperwork Italy."**

Japan started laughing quietly. "That is funny Germany-san. Usually it is Italy bothering you and wanting to play football."

Germany merely nodded and looked pointedly at China to resume play.

**"Stop!" Italy pushed the German's poking hand away. "Stop annoying me!"**

**"I'm annoying you?" Germany looked at Italy in shock. "Am I really?"**

**"Yes! Now leave me alone." Italy lay back down across the café bench and Germany sat for a minute before slowly moving his extended index finger towards the nearly asleep Italian. He was about to poke Italy again when Italy's hand shot out and grabbed Germany's, pulling him across the top of the table.**

**"Ahh!" Germany freaked out. "Sorry! Let go of me!"**

**"Stop. Poking. Me." Italy said slowly and threateningly, right in Germany's face. "Poke me one more time and you will not have a hand to poke me with."**

Hungary pressed a tissue to her nose and China paused the clip as a wild laugh echoed through the room. "Kesesesesesesese!" Prussia popped up from up by the door and took a seat of his own, grinning smugly at Germany.

Germany rolled his eyes. "Can we get this over with?"

"I'm sorry for threatening you!" Italy squealed, latching onto Germany. "I'm so sorry!"  
"It's fine." Germany said. "Now let go."

Italy did.

**Germany nodded wildly. "I promise. Can we pleeeeeeeeaaaase get our paperwork done now?"**

**Italy sighed exactly like Germany always did when Italy was being... Italy. "Fine. Whatever."**

**So the two nations pulled out their laptops and started some online paperwork. It was only about a minute before Germany gave a small laugh. Italy looked at him suspiciously.**

"Germany can laugh?" America joked before the look on Germany's face made him say, "Kidding, kidding. Just a joke."

**"Germany, why are you laughing?"**

**"I'm not." Germany's face immediately went back to the serious face they were all used to.**

_Well, that's a good sign. Maybe the effects on Germany will wear off soon._

**"Okay…" Italy turned back to typing, his tongue between his teeth and his eyes wide open.**

**Germany let out a small giggle a second later and Italy turned to him in frustration. "Whatever you are doing instead of paperwork, do it quietly."**

_Germany giggling like a school girl is a little creepy. Okay, a lot creepy._

**"I can't."**

**"Why?" Italy raised an auburn eyebrow in suspicion.**_ What the hell? Italy doesn't even know what the word suspicion means!_

**"The kitties are so cute!" Germany showed him whatever the hell was on the laptop. Italy immediately melted.**

**"Awwwww!" They squealed together for a minute before Italy shook himself.**

"I want to see the cats." Canada said quietly. Germany glared at him while the other nations shot him looks of amusement and agreement.

**"No. Let's just get this done." Italy narrowed his eyes at his own computer.**

_This is getting scarier than China's._

**"Okay!" Germany chirped and then turned back to his laptop, becoming completely absorbed.**

**"Done." Germany said a minute later.**

**Italy held out a hand for the computer. Germany handed it to him.**

**"All the fields have been filled in as "Sauerkraut"," Italy said. "You might want to fix it."**

The nations all started laughing. Except for Germany. But all the other nations were highly amused.

"Didn't you tell Italy off for that same offense with pasta last week?" Prussia cackled.

Germany turned a light pink and tried to keep his dignity. Having been caught giggling, whining, being threatened by Italy, messing around while doing paperwork, and looking up cat pictures, his pride was not likely to last for much longer._ You poor, poor man._

**"Fine," Germany sniggered as he took back the laptop, now starting the process of changing his answers.**

_Germany. _

_Sniggering. _

_HELP!_

**The film fast forwarded a bit and the clock behind them was now about two hours ahead.**

**"Done!" Germany sat back in his booth and drank the dregs of his coffee.**

**"I'm done as well." Italy put his laptop back into his bag. Germany did the same and they both stretched as they stood up.**

**"So what should we do now?" Italy asked, dragging his feet.**

**Germany twisted his face into a look of concentration before grabbing Italy's wrist and dragging him over to a park.**

**"Football!" Germany announced, producing a football from the depths of his leather laptop bag, which didn't look like it could've ever held anything that wasn't flat.**

**"What?" Italy looked shocked. "Where the fuck did that come from?"**

China paused it. The nations all looked sideways at Italy.

"Why were you with Romano yesterday?" Italy asked, opening his eyes and looking at Germany.

"THAT IS YOU ITALY!" Germany yelled, completely and utterly freaking out. Italy did not swear, simple as that. He never did, and that was just the way it was._ What the fuck did Tony do to that stuff?_

"Oh, okay." Italy started humming and drawing a picture on the back of what seemed to be the day's agenda. _Well, I suppose it's being ignored anyway..._

**There were some guys playing football in a park that seemed to be the same as the one China and Korea had been running in.**

**"Perfect!" Germany grabbed Italy's hand. "Let's play!"**

**"What did I tell you about grabbing me?" Italy asked threateningly, twisting Germany's arm up over his head.**

**"Not to do it."**

**"And what did you just do?"**

**"Grab you."**

**"Now what do you say?"**

**"Sorry!"**

America voiced everyone's thoughts. "What. The. Vampire-slaying Lincoln?"

Well, maybe a variation of everyone's thoughts.

"What does that even mean?" England asked, but he also stared at Italy.

"Shut up England, there are more important matters. I'll face-to-face with Tony." America pulled out his phone and called Tony.

Tony appeared on the screen and waved at America. England and France looked over America's shoulders, and Tony scowled at them both.

"Fuck," He greeted America.

"Hey Tony, are we sure that's actually Italy?"

Tony nodded, saying "Fucking."

America paled, shooting England a glance. _HEY! All I heard was 'Fucking'!_

"You sure man?"

"Fucking."

America laughed. "'Kay, thanks a lot. And I mean that sincerely and sarcastically because now I'm all scared to watch this. Well, not that I really get scared or anything. You know how it is."

"Fucking Bastard."

"Great, bye!"

"All I heard was 'Fucking'," England and France muttered together.

"So, it's definitely Italy," America said. "We can keep watching now."

China glared at him and pressed play.

**"You better be sorry." Italy released Germany. "Fucking idiot. Now let's play some football."**

**The players accepted the two into their group well enough, and the nations just had to watch in fast-forwarded-automatically awe. Italy was a beast. He flew up and down the field, kicking the ball and anything in his way. Germany got a couple good moments, but Italy... Italy was dominating that field! It stopped fast-forwarding and Italy was the only one not gasping for air.**

"Nice skills," France said.

"Ve~, thank you!" Italy smiled even wider than usual.

**"That was a welcome break. Excellent idea Doitsu," Italy nodded in thanks to the other players and dragged a sweaty Germany off of the field. Italy gave him a disgusted look. "Let's go back to the hotel. You really need a shower." Italy crinkled his nose in a manner so Austria-like that Prussia and Hungary actually shivered a little. Austria sneezed.**

**Germany groaned. "Sleep." **

**"Lazy," Italy smacked him on the back of the hell. "Don't disrespect me. It's siesta time anyway."**

**"How did I disrespect you?"**

**"You just asked the dumbest fucking question I've ever heard."**

**"When?"**

**"When you asked me how you disrespected me," Italy said.**

**"But you said I disrespected you before that," Germany cocked his head to the side like a puppy. "I'm confused."**

**"That's new," Italy said. "Now move your damn legs faster."**

**"Tired," Germany said. He seemed to be regaining a bit of his real personality.**

**"I don't give a flying _fusilli_!" Italy pinned Germany to the wall. "Now walk."**

**"You're pinning me to a building."**

**Italy punched him in the stomach. "Stupid," He muttered, but his face was turning a bright pink.**

**Germany limped a few feet before he seemed to get a bit more inner fortitude and was walking normally again in less than a minute. Well, actually he wasn't walking normally at all, but rather he was... bouncing. And smiling. And, dear god, was he humming? Yes. Yes he was. The Pacman theme, actually.**

This is just getting disturbing," America said.

"Amen to that," Canada said.

"This is hilarious!" Prussia had his feet up on the table and was eating popcorn. _Where the hell did he get that?_

Hungary looked quite conflicted. "I'm not sure whether to cry or laugh."

"Join the club," Russia said unexpectedly.

England snorted. "We've all been awarded free gold memberships."

"Really?" Korea leaned forward. "Do we get cool cards? Or jackets?"

"No." France said shortly, staring at him like he couldn't quite believe Korea was real.

_That child... Wow... Idiot..._

**Italy lead to way back to Germany's hotel room. He opened the door and pointed in like Germany was a dog. Germany hung his head and entered.**

_Why? God, I'm so confused by this._

**Italy threw himself down on the bed.**

**Germany sat on the end. Italy kicked him off, yelling "This. Is. SPARTAAAA!"**

America cracked up. "Oh, that's just too funny. No offense dude, but ahahahahahahahaha! That's awesome!"

Prussia nodded. "Yes it was. Now press play China."

China rolled his eyes and complied.

**Germany hit the wall with a thud. "Italia!" He was knocked unconscious.**

**"_Merda_." Italy swore, looking over him. He twisted his face in concentration before getting a cup of water and tossing it on Germany's face.**

**Germany woke up and started crying.**

**"What?" Italy asked, coming over and grabbing him by the shoulders. "What's wrong Doitsu?"**

**Germany looked highly confused. "I. I'm not sure." He shook his head as if clearing water from it. "I'm going to go take a shower."**

**Italy shrugged. "Sure thing Germany."**

**The second Germany was gone Italy stood up. He began to look through Germany's things, and he pulled a pair of scissors out of his pocket.**

"Italy!" Germany turned to Italy. "That was you?!"

Italy was giggling. "Sorry Germany. You have to admit, it's funny."

Germany thunked his head on the table.

_Ouch._

**The ceiling suddenly rattled a little. Italy looked up.**

**"What are you doing Italy-kun?" It was Japan. In the FUCKING CEILING. Again.**

**"Germany's so annoying. I though I'd do something to annoy him back," Italy said with a poker face, not a single sign showing that we was kidding. **

_This is just bizarre!_

**"Try doing something that won't totally ruin his reputation while still bothering him a lot," Japan said. "Do you know maybe about anything interesting going on?"**

**Italy shrugged. "Nothing, sorry." He began to cut at something in Germany's suitcase.**

**Japan nodded. "I'm going to go find England, maybe he'll be doing something interesting. I think Hungary said she found him."**

Hungary suddenly burst into hysterical, uncontrollable laughter.

The countries stared at her.

"What-?"

But the sound of England's voice just made her laugh harder. She laughed for another thirty seconds before wiping away a tear and sitting primly in her chair once more.

"Oooookaaaayyy then," America said.

**"Safe travels Japan."**

**"May the force be with you," Japan replied. He replaced the ceiling tile and disappeared. Faint humming of the Titanic Theme could be heard coming from the ceiling.**

Japan was blushing and trying to hide in his suit jacket.

Canada gave Japan a weird look.

**"And also with you." Italy said in an official voice to the ceiling. Germany was just exiting the bathroom in a bathroom. He looked at Italy, highly confused, before realizing that he currently had no clothes on. He grabbed his suitcase and went into the bathroom.**

**About a minute later (In which the nations simply stared at the completely still Italy on the bed), Germany exited the bathroom with a bright red face.**

**"What is it?" Italy asked.**

**"N-nothing," Germany said, backing away slightly and pulling on his pants. There didn't seem to be anything unusual about them, but England had to wonder what exactly Italy had done with those scissors.**

Luckily America asked that exact question. "Hey Germany, what did Italy do to your pants?"

"Nothing," Germany muttered.

Italy giggled. "It wasn't his pants, it was his underpants. The back and front are cut out completely."

_I'm not sure whether to yell at him or congratulate him. Maybe I'll just sit here quietly._

**"Alright then. We should go for some lunch," Italy stood up.**

**"Come with meeeeeeee!" Germany, in a random burst of energy, nearly flew across the room to grab Italy's wrist and dragged him out of the room.**

**"Vaffanculo tesa di cazzo!" Italy yelled. "Let me go!"**

Every nation that spoke Italian winced. England glanced over at Italy.

"What did that even mean?" He asked.

"You don't wanna know bro," America said.

"You don't know either," England accused.

"They're swears. I like swears. I know what they mean," America crossed his arms.

"If you're quite finished!" China said angrily and pressed play.

**Germany stopped and his eyes filled with tears. "That was mean!" He cried.**

**"I'm sorry," Italy said.**

**"Thanks," Germany perked up immediately.**

**"That you're such a little bitch," Italy finished. "Man up. You're German."**

France cracked up. "This is precious!" He cooed at the glaring Italy on the screen.

China just got up, walked around the table, and slapped him upside the head.

"Sit down and shut your mouth!" He demanded.

"D'accord," France said, rubbing the handprint on his face as he sat.

England smirked.

China hmphed and went back to his seat before pressing play.

**Germany just looked sadder. "You're hurting my feelings," He complained.**

**"I care," Italy said dryly. "Let's go eat."**

**The screen salt-and-peppered before the two nations were seated in a pub-style place. it wasn't very well lit, but it was clean and the server had a large smile as she put two -somethings- in front of the two nations. It looked like a little loaf of bread, almost like a bread bowl for soup, but it was steaming.**

**"Thank you," Italy said, reaching for a fork.**

**"Careful, it's hot."**

**Italy waited for her to leave before muttering, "No shit it's hot."**

**Germany poked him with a fork. "Is it any good?"**

**"I haven't tried it yet." Italy cut it open and what looked like pizza mixed with extra meat-and-mushroom marinara sauce spilled out. He looked down at it suspiciously and took a bite of it. **

_I can't believe I'm even thinking this, but that looks really really good. _

America looked like he was about to start drooling. "I love Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinder Company."

"What the bloody hell is-"

"It's a pizza place where they make pizza upside-down. I don't know how they do it, but it's like pizza made into a ball." America did start drooling. "It's so good."

**"It's not terrible." Italy said simply, but he did finish it. Germany ate his enthusiastically. **

_Fuck, I can't get over how odd that is. Germany doing anything with a smile like that on his face._

**"Gelato? Here?" Italy shook his head. "It'll suck."  
**

**Germany sulked. "We're getting ice cream though."**

**"Fine." Italy paid the check and they got up. "Ice cream it is then."**

**Germany clapped his hands, "Yay!" He cheered.**

**They ended up at a very crowded ice cream parlor after a bit of salt-and-peppering.**

**"Fuck this. I'm not waiting." Italy dragged Germany outside. "We'll order room service or something, Ve~!"  
**

**In the middle of Italy's sentence, his voice returned to it's usual happy tone. It sounded so bizarre now that everyone actually jumped.**

**"Room service is expensive," Germany said.**

**He was back to normal, and then is was the end of the video.**

"Thank god!" England said. "That was just strange. Please let something funny happen next unless it's me. No offense Japan."

"None taken," Japan said, who was watching italy out of the corner of his eye. "That was odd."

"That was awesome!" Prussia danced around. "Blackmail for centuries! I'll show your boss this unless you-"

_*Clang!*_

"You're welcome sweetie," Hungary said to Germany. "Who's next?"

"Either Japan or England," America said. "Let's watch Japan's first."

England did not have a problem with that.

* * *

**I believe a fusilli is a type of pasta. *Shrug***

**Vaffanculo ********Testa di cazzo- Basically the Italian equivalent of "Fuck off dickface." Haha. This is rated T...**

******I highly doubt Italy would ever finish a pizza from that place because it would not be up to his standards, but FIVE HOUR ENERGY. My new excuse for everything.**

* * *

******I'm not going to hold my story hostage, but I really would like a couple more reviews. Maybe five? OTL**


	7. Thoughts and Preview AKA I failed

Of course I forgot China's, Germany's AND Italy's thoughts. I'm an idiot. You can thank Anon-ee mouse, the anonymous reviewer that caught it.

So not Japan, sorry. I'll give a sneak-peek though. I feel like I really need to put all I have into his because I built up so much hype.

Happy New Year everyone!

**China's thoughts**

_Oh, good, it looks like nothing will happen._

_I thought too soon. Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!_

_What did I do wrong to deserve this!_

_Nothing! No one deserves this. Not even Russia (that ass)._

_Russia. Japan looks like he's been taking "creepy" lessons from him_

_I failed as a brother. They're insane!_

_I DID NOT JUST SAY YOLO! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE. IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. I DENY EVERYTHING!_

_I was wondering why my legs were so sore. How did I run all of that so fast?_

_Aww! Those kids are so cute! I love them!_

_I'm dancing? Russia must've tried to curse me a few years ago._

_That is a lie. I'm not wearing makeup. I see nothing. I can't be wearing makeup._

_Holy Pandas. That was what was on my face this morning! I was wondering why I had a blue forehead..._

_Oh. My ringtone. Awkward._

_That run-on sentence was horrific. That was traumatizing!_

_Stupid Korea didn't stop me saying that to my boss. How rude._

_I really hope nothing even remotely similar to this happens ever again_.

...

**Germany's thoughts. I bolded the stuff because otherwise it's impossible to read.**

**...**

_KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**Oh what's wrong with Italy!**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**Don't poke him again dammit!**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**Fuck Cats!**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**FUCK YOU SAUERKRAUT!**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**Oh, football, that's not too bad.**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**That can't be Italy!**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**I lied it is him!**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**Wow, Italy is really good at football. No wonder he always wants to play.**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**PACMAN! Do do do do do do. DO do do do do do. Do do do do do do. Dow dow dow dow!** _KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**No wonder my stomach hurt so badly today.** _KILL ME! KILL ME! _**I don't cry! This is a fake! It has to be!**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**That bastard did it! I've been uncomfortable all day! Italy! I will kill you with Pasta for a true ironic plot twist!**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! _**I'm annoying?! Well FUCK you too!**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**Italy is completely still. It's a miracle.**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**I want to actually laugh at that. I am acting like a little bitch.**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**That food looks really good.**_KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**WHY THE HELL AM I SMILING?!**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**I'm acting Italian. Dear Lord, please kill me. Amen.**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! _**That was an abrupt ending.**_ KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL ME! **THANK YOU HUNGARY! I INTERNALLY PRAISE YOU WITH LOUD CHORUSES OF JOYFUL MUSIC! I mean uh, thank you.**  
_

_I really hope that Japan and England are worse and people forget about that, because I'll never live it down._

_..._

_~~~Singing~~~_

**Italy's thoughts**

_RAINBOWS! PASTA! GELATO! PIZZA! SHINY THINGS!_

**Ha, no just kidding, I'll do it seriously.**

**Italy's real thoughts**

**...**

_Please don't let America have poisoned us, I don't want to die!_

_Oh wait, if we had been poisoned, I wouldn't be alive. Silly me._

_~~~Fratelli d'Italia _

_L'Italia s'è desta _

_Dell'elmo di Scipio _

_S'è cinta la testa~~~_  
_Oh no, I threatened Germany! I feel terrible, that isn't nice at all!_

_Oh, something is happening!_

_Aww, we're still just doing paperwork. That's so boring! I might just sleep._

Italy dozed off slightly until and angry use of the words "Where the fuck did that come from?" made him lift his head.

_Germany was with Romano yesterday? Nooooo! I'm being replaced!_

_Ooh, football~ I like football!_

_AHH! I keep hurting Germany! Noo!_

_I did a good job! Yay I won!_

_Not again! I'll have to make Germany lots and lots of pasta to apologize. Pasta fixes everything! Except for leaky roofs!_

_Sparta? But Sparta was in Greece, not America..._

_That was really funny! Poor Germany. I'll make him some ravioli too. That'll help~_

_I wonder if Japan will teach me how to crawl around in the ceiling too._

_Ahh! No! No! No! I'm being so mean! Meaner than Romano! This is terrible!_

_That food. how did I even swallow any of it? The drink must have affected my test buds. I hope they're back to normal now._

_Oh, that was a strange change. It just happened! I wonder if I can use that while dealing with the mafia with Romano~ it'd be very useful._

_Very, very useful..._

_..._

**Sparta is actually in America. sparta, New Jersey. Because that's totally the same thing *snorts***

**AND a sneak-peek at Japan's day.**

**...**

Japan was standing outside of a supermarket, speaking into a phone.

"England-san, get off the merry-go-round, you're drunk," Japan said into his phone before hanging up. He rolled his eyes and bounced down the parking lot, singing "IIIIIIII Rooooovvveee you! IIIIIIIII Rooooovvveee you! Da da da da da da da! Da da da da da daaaaaaaaa! Some peopre want to firr the worrd with sirry rove songs!"

Germany paused it. Japan was in midair, partway through a skip.

America and Canada stifled their giggles.

"I love that joke," Canada whispered.

England, quite frankly, didn't want to know what he had done yesterday.

**... (Small time skip. There will be more here in the actual thing, no worries)**

Then Japan did something that England only had one response to.

"What the FUCK?!" England stood up, spewing tea out of his mouth before knocking over the teacup. He didn't even notice when most of the spewed tea hit Russia in the face, and Russia was too confused to even care.

Japan merely sat in silent horror before covering his ears and beginning to rock back and forth in his chair.

...

Ooh, a cliffhanger of sorts. I'll try to get the real chapter out ASAP.

Am I wrong to actually hope for reviews? Especially because this entire thing should have been in past chapters? Maybe you can review and let me know if I'm wrong or not... :)


	8. Japan

**I'm the worst updater EVER. I'm ashamed. Enjoy Japan's chapter anyway.**

**Also, I only put in Japan's accent when he sings. Just so you know.**

**More notes at the end.**

******ONWARD MES AMIS!**

...oooOOOooo...

The large, spacious, and bright-from-the-giant-windows-lining-it conference room, which would usually be filled with angry, multi-accented shouts, was completely silent. Anticipation buzzed in the air as the eleven nations in the room sat staring at the large blank screen. Prussia had woken up from his frying-pan smack and was surprisingly silent in his chair well, not interrupting the tense air surrounding the nations.

Germany somehow managed to steal the remote from China without the older nation noticing and he pointed it ahead, hand shaking so much that it was pointing more towards the red walls than the screen.

"Just press play already bruder," Prussia whined, leaning his chair back so only two of the wooden legs were on the floor. Hungary snuck a foot around and kicked one of the legs out, causing him to crash to the ground. He was knocked out again.

Germany pressed play, and the nations all shifted slightly as they took in deep breaths, eyes of many colors widened at the screen.

**The gray screen slowly came into color. Or maybe it just seemed slow.**

_Why am I so nervous?_

**Japan was standing there on the screen, looking just as he did everyday, but there was a small, pink-flower-patterned dixie cup in his hand. He was in the bright and spacious hotel lobby, and was perfectly calm. There was nothing in his dark eyes that showed insanity or anything of the like. In fact, he was speaking into his cell phone in his usual calm, polite voice.**

**"Hello Hungary-San."**

**"..."**

**"Oh, of course. I'll meet you at the airport in a taxi."**

**"..."**

**"I will see you in an hour."**

**Japan drank the rest of his dixie cup and got into a taxi, and the screen salt-and-peppered as he travelled.**

_Well, that's not good. He's going to loose his mind in the taxi if I can base anything off of the other nations._

**The salt-and-peppering was taking a very long time, but soon Japan and Hungary were standing casually in the hotel elevator. Hungary had no bags on her, and Japan was...**

**Perfectly ordinary.**

_But I could've sworn..._

"Why isn't anything happening?" America complained.

Japan looked quite puzzled himself.

America's phone went off.

"Sushi! FUCK YEAH! Taco Bell! FUCK YEAH!"

America quickly checked the text he'd just received.

"Awwww," He whined.

"What?" France asked.

"Tony says that Japan's camera got knocked out of the air during the course of the day and was broken. He also says that England owes him for the camera now. And that he still has some footage."

"Why do I owe him anything?" England demanded.

America's phone went off again

"Slavery! FU-"

"And he also says that luckily Japan and England spent a few hours together, so we still have the tapes. It's just on England's disc."

Japan smacked his head on the table.

Thunk.

Germany pressed play, effectively ending the conversation.

**"Shall we go on a little hunt?" Hungary asked, waving a camera.**

**And it appeared. The maniacal, terrifying glint. It flickered slightly, Japan's dark eye going from it's usual hollow state to a maddening, fire-filled pupil.**

**"Let's go," Japan said, making it sound like a bad action movie. "It's yaoi time."**

America choked on the hamburger he was eating. Canada thumped his brother on the back.

Japan was a bright shade of red. "Do you know what it is America-kun?"

America shook his head violently, bright red. "A lot of my people are fans."

_? I know that I've heard of it before. Isn't it- Oh. Now I remember what it is. So that means Japan is taking pictures of- Oh lovely. Should I hide?_

**Hungary smiled evilly as well, though Japan's face was much scarier, and they headed to the stairwell of the hotel.**

**"This looks promising," Hungary said, and she removed a ceiling tile.**

The look of surprise on Japan's face (both off screen and off) was comical, and quite a few nations snorted before Hungary shot them all glares.

**Japan hoisted himself up into the opening first, and he disappeared into the darkness. The camera went black again before the video suddenly appeared again, somehow showing the details of the inside of the vent without resorting to night vision.**

**Japan was singing the Mario theme song.**

**Hungary joined in, looking highly confused but deciding to just go with it.**

"How are you so calm about this?" China asked, amazed.

"He told me that he'd had five hour energy. That drink does some weird stuff," Hungary explained.

**Hungary directed Japan through the ceiling vents, and shrill screaming drifted through a vent.**

**"JAPAN!" Korea was screaming.**

**"What?" Japan moved the ceiling tile and looked down at Korea, concerned but still looking possessed. "What's wrong?" **_  
_

**"How did you-?" **

_It's too much for him. Poor little Korea._

**"How did I what?" Japan asked. He smiled down in a lunatic-like fashion**

_There is no possible way he didn't pick that up from Russia._

**"Get up there?" Korea finished weakly.**

**"Hungary had some very good tips. Excuse me, I've got places to go, people to perve." And Japan replaced the ceiling tile before continuing on his way, now humming the theme for Sonic.**

**"Where to now Hungary-San?" **

**Hungary grinned. "Let's place some cameras."**

**Japan grinned the same, fucking-scary-as-shit-oh-my-god-kill-it-with-fire-and-the-fury-of-a-thousand-suns-and-teddy-bears smile and lead the way.**

**The screen salt and peppered for a couple minutes, and the two seemed to be in the ceiling of another building. Japan slightly moved a tile and peeked down. America was walking down the "Hallway of Offices" and Japan looked intently around. He slowly dropped to the floor ninja-style after America entered his office and set up cameras with a lot of flips and excessive somersaults. Not to mention the hip swishing and that half-minute of waltzing with the stationary potted tree in the corner. The camera showed Hungary's face for a minute, and Hungary was biting her hand to keep from laughing.**

Japan was a vivid shade of red.

"You are a good dancer," Russia said.

Germany let out a snort, which started a tidal wave. Germany didn't bother pausing it, so they were still laughing when Japan went back into the ceiling. He turned a corner or two and then dropped soundlessly into America's office.

**All the nations suddenly stopped laughing. They hadn't even seen him on America's tape...**

**Japan looked at America for a moment. America didn't notice, he just kept reading something over, his lips mouthing it silently to himself.**

_If my lip reading skills are still intact, he's either saying "Second Amendment something something something" or "I fucking hate my life"... Well, at least he's doing work._

**Japan then turned away and started scaling the shelves behind America. America straightened and got an intensely paranoid look on his face that none of the nations (but Canada) had seen since the Cold War. Canada was remembering the time he had rigged a clock to start ticking like an old bomb and echo the sound through the house whenever America turned on a light. His brother hadn't slept the whole week it was up and had searched the house over and under repeatedly, but then Canada took pity on him and shut it off. Mostly because America was about to start ripping down walls... Either way, he'd worn that exact look.**

**Japan froze and held his breath. His insane smile was gone, and replaced with a frozen, oh-shit-am-I-gonna-get-caught look. America turned back to his papers, and Japan swung himself back up into the ceiling.**

**His phone suddenly rang, a boring old-fashioned telephone noise and Japan opened it up.**

**"Hungary-san?" He yelled, and he turned the phone on speakerphone.**

**"I found England. He's not in a good state right now-GET OFF ME!" There was a clanging noise, "-and I was wondering if you could handle the cameras and stuff alone."**

_Who was on her? I suppose it's naive to hope that it wasn't me..._

**"Of course. I'll meet you later." Japan hung up and hummed Justin Bieber's "Baby" to himself.**

It was all humming and crawling through vents for a bit, and Japan's face (The one not on the screen) was a mask of mortification. Many nations shot him looks of sympathy, but then the Japan on screen began to sing the only part he knew.

**"I was rike baby, baby, baby OH! Rike baby, baby, baby NO! Rike baby, baby, baby OH! I thought you'd arways be mine, mine. When I was thirteen, I had my first rove, there was nobody that could compare to my baby..." He went back to humming then, not knowing the rest.**

Japan shed a single tear.

Italy and America shed quite a few (totally manly) tears from laughing so hard.

And the rest of the nations weren't much different. Except for Prussia, who was still passed out on the floor.

_That idiot keeps getting knocked out... You'd think he'd just keep his mouth shut and do as told when Hungary is around. Althought if she crawls through vents, you never really know when you can relax._

**Japan got out of the vents and walked down the street. His phone rang again.**

**"Hello?"**

**"..."**

**"Alright, I'll meet you there."**

**The screen salt-and-peppered and ****Japan was standing outside of a supermarket, speaking into his phone again.**

**"England-san, get off the merry-go-round, you're drunk," Japan said into his phone before hanging up. He rolled his eyes and bounced down the parking lot, singing "IIIIIIII Rooooovvveee you! IIIIIIIII Rooooovvveee you! Da da da da da da da! Da da da da da daaaaaaaaa! Some peopre want to firr the worrd with sirry rove songs!"**

**Germany paused it. Japan was in midair, partway through a skip.**

America and Canada stifled their giggles.

"I love that joke," Canada whispered.

England, quite frankly, didn't want to know what he had done yesterday.

**But he was unfortunate enough to find out sooner than anticipated when the camera was knocked down as well as Japan, and an excited voice screamed "HELLO!"**

**Now, considering the fact that the nations all knew America and Korea (And Sealand, even if they didn't recognize him), this was not too unusual. The unusual part was the accent. While it generally would have sounded overly-American or Korean, now it just sounded... English. And not like a small child such as Sealand would sound...**

_FUCK._

**"Igirisu-San?" The camera focused itself again, shaking slightly as it attempted to float once more.**

**"Yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup yup! It's me Japaneasy and I," he suddenly spoke normally. "I think we should go in there," he pointed to the supermarket.**

England covered his face in his hands as the nations around him cracked up.

_They're laughing so hard they can't even speak._

_Wankers!_

**Japan dragged England into the store by the arm.**

**England stopped, rather like a dog that had just sensed a squirrel. "Trolleys." He swiveled his head towards the direction of the shopping carts.**

**"Can we get the one with the truck?" Japan asked excitedly.**

**"Sure!" England did a small happy dance.**

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You can't have a fucking trolley with a truck!_

**They got a shopping cart with a giant pink plastic bus attached to the front.**

_You've got to be fucking kidding me!_

**Then Japan did something that England only had one response to.**

"What the FUCK?!" England stood up, spewing tea out of his mouth before knocking over the teacup. He didn't even notice when most of the spewed tea hit Russia in the face, and Russia was too confused to even care.

Japan merely sat in silent horror before covering his ears and beginning to rock back and forth in his chair.

**Japan had gotten in and was making realistic race car noises accompanied with sci-fi style "_pew pew pew_" gun noises.**

_Oh._

_My._

_God._

**"Brrrrrrrroooouuuuuu. Brrriiiiiioooouuuu. Pew pew pew!" Japan made whooshing noises and turned the wheel while England controlled the cart.**

**"So what should we get?" Japan asked, taking a break from the driving noises he was making.**

**"Biscuits," England said. "Duh."**

**"Brilliant plan."**

**"I know right? Mine usually are. Hey, wasn't Hungary with you?"**

**"Yes. I thought she went with you though."**

**"Hmm, strange. She was just here a minute ago."**

"Where'd ya go?" America asked.

"I left. That was just a little too crazy for me with both of them. I got some great pictures later though."

"That's good," Japan said before his face turned red and he covered his mouth with a squeak. "For you I mean."

There was a very awkward pause.

"Can we just keep watching?" Canada asked.

"Alright." Germany pressed play.

**"Weird."**

**"Yuh-huh," England nodded wildly. **

The camera shuddered and it suddenly stopped.

"What?" France looked outraged.

_That arsehole wants to see me embarrass myself._

**Then words came on the screen:**

**This camera was broken by an enthusiastic arm. There is still video from this time, but it will be showed later, in the last video. Sorry for the inconvenience.**

"Well that's not good," Italy said.

"Speak for yourself," England muttered.

**The video soon flickered back, and Japan was once again crawling through the ceiling.**

**He suddenly paused and sniffed the air before turning to his right.**

_Wat? And yes, that's W-A-T for emphasis._

**Then the screen blacked out before showing ****Japan in the same park China and Korea had been in. He took a great deal of pictures of random things, like a fire hydrant and an ice cream wrapper before the screen salt and peppered once more.**

**It was now Japan's point of view, looking down into Italy and Germany's room.**

**"What are you doing Italy-kun?" Japan asked. **

**"Germany's so annoying. I though I'd do something to annoy him back," Italy said with a poker face, not a single sign showing that we was kidding.**

_This is still the most bizarre thing that I've ever seen. Hopefully it will remain so._

**"Try doing something that won't totally ruin his reputation while still bothering him a lot," Japan said. "Do you know maybe about anything interesting going on?"**

**Italy shrugged. "Nothing, sorry." He began to cut at something in Germany's suitcase.**

**Japan nodded. "I'm going to go find England again, maybe he'll be doing something interesting. I think Hungary said she found him again."**

Hungary suddenly burst into hysterical, uncontrollable laughter.

The countries stared at her.

"What-?"

But the sound of England's voice just made her laugh harder. She laughed for another thirty seconds before wiping away a tear and sitting primly in her chair once more.

"Oooookaaaayyy then," America said.

**"Safe travels Japan."**

**"May the force be with you," Japan replied. He replaced the ceiling tile and disappeared. Faint humming of the Titanic Theme could be heard coming from the ceiling.**

**The tape wound around before shuddering once again, broken.**

There was silence for a moment, and then Russia broke it. "England, you're next!"

England looked at Japan instead of responding. Japan was frozen in his chair.

Prussia woke up. "I missed the whole thing!?" He went into a long, colorful stream of swears.

America's phone went off again.

"Democrats! FUCK YEAH! Republicans! ...Fuck...yeah? Yeah...?"

"Come on Tony, stop texting me!" America read the text. "Tony, you're such a dick!"

"What did he do, aru?" China asked.

"He like, wiped everybody's memory. That's so mean! I told him not to do that again!"

"...Again?" Russia asked.

America smiled nervously. "Haha, um, no?"

"You don't sound very sure..." Germany frowned.

**...**

**Japan's thoughts**

_Nothing's happening yet. Does that mean nothing will? Oh right, it can't. I was in the ceiling during China's tape. Now they'll know all my picture-taking secrets. I'll never be able to take pictures from the vents again. _

_I'm dancing with a tree. Oh no. I'll never live that down._

_It's so odd to be scared of America-chan finding me. It hasn't been like that for a while. And even then I wasn't even afraid!_

_I hate that song. Why must I be singing it? WHYYYYY?_

_At least the Beatles are better than Bieber._

_I feel like sobbing._

_Igirisu-San... There's something very wrong with him._

_And according to those car noises, me too._

_I'm glad it's broken. I can emotionally prepare myself for seeing myself and England go crazy better now._

_I hope Germany-San won't be angry with me for indirectly helping Italy-Chan cut open his underwear._

_Star Wars? Seriously?_

_What does America-chan mean, "again"?_

* * *

******So it seems that a whole lot of people want to see Romano. Epilogue... It approaches. And when I finish this, I'm going to work on another cracky, funny story. I'll post the full description in the notes of the next chapter if anyone cares to see it. Let me know. If it works out it'll be really awesome, but if no one actually cares, then it won't be written.**

******THREE CHAPTERS LEFT *GASP***

******England, Epilogue, and some extras. The letter E is now in control...**

******So, there's um, 99 reviews. Hundredth reviewer getting something is boring. I will put the names of everyone who reviews this chapter in a hat, pick one, and then write a (not too inappropriate) one-shot for them. So, review raffle I suppose? Enter to win my crappy writing skills. :D**


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